it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
