do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think my moral compass just broke
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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