It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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