I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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