Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
