I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
