i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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