dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
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Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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