dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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