grandma shit on top of the toilet
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
