I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
