I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
