so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
