Will you blow on my dice?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
