What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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