you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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