but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
