i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
