Me too!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
