You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
