my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
