i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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