new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
