Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
