He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
