New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
