one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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