Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
