i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
