Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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