The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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