I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
