i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
