when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
