i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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