Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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