I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I would ride that face into the sunset
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
