This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
