you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
