one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
