Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She bit a glass in half.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
