Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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