Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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