pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have already put on my inside pants.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
