Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
