If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
