The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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