Me too!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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