I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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