I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
