yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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