i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
