Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
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I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
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I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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