Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
