Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
