Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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