its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just found a bag of teeth...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My dick has a subreddit
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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