I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
