I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
