Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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