It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
