last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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