Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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