11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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