hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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