My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
